Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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