My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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