i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize