I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
