Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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