sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want to make out with him forever
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