stop calling my apartment porn island.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
