I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
