I faked an abortion last night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
