Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i think im in europe. pls send help
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
