we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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