I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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