How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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