Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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