there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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