I cannot find my penis.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
