Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
