I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
