I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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