Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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