why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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