We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
