White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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