It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
