You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
love makes seman taste better
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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