I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
