How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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