Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i've created a new STD.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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