And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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