those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
