I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
