Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
