the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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