New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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