Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
