I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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