the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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