wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
