I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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