i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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