I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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