peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
