I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
