You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
