Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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