Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
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