Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
