I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
