So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
