Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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