I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
