Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
