Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
All the doctor said was why
Your penis caused this!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
