You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
