My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
