i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
