so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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