anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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