If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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