hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
someone get that fucking seahorse.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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