Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
