Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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