I like my sex mixed with concussions.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
