And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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