just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
