He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
