we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
