Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
