The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
