any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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