The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
