the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
