I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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