This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
