glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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