you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize