Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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