There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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