Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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